let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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