BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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