Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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