Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i've created a new STD.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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