Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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