I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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