i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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