Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
