Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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