i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
