Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
