i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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