he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
