Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
