So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
