someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
