I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
