i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
