what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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