just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
