why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
