there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
