So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
