i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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