It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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