What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
