finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
