Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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