I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i've created a new STD.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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