i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
