i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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