jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
