hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
