I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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