The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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