he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
