SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
