like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
