Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
