Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
