I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
