This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
