Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
