Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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