If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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