How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
