she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
