; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
