it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
