Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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