so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
