Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
