Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
