I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
