I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
